What a delight to discover that we once again live in a world in which new hotels open. In this continuing pandemic era, of course, depending on the country of the hotel and of your residency and your vaccination status, you may or may not be allowed to visit most of them. This is fine; we are all unlikely to visit most of the world’s hotels during our lifetimes.
But even perusing the surprising number of Summer 2021 openings from afar, I rediscovered my fondness for hotels, for the otherwise unconnected paths crossed within them, for the freedom from daily chores, for the guilt-free meals eaten in bed. Hotels’ charms are rooted in their being highly stylized, homelike spaces devoid of the psychic clutter of actual homes. I love hotels maybe most for the narrative setting they provide and the narrative possibility they engender. They give everyone who stays in them “main character energy.”
I’m not currently staying in any of these hotels, and I’m guessing, neither are you. But someone is, and will be, and that’s great to think about. So let’s. In lieu of traditional reviews or write-ups, I’m imagining the events these hotels might play host to, and also judging their physical spaces based solely on the press photos I’ve been provided…
(Note that all images are slide shows.)
Villa Nai 3.3 (Croatia)
Here on the island of Dugi Otok in the Adriatic Sea, I see Jeff Bezos buying out this eight-room hotel for his going away party. (Bezos is moving to space.) Before arriving, he has re-shaved his head, which is great because these rooms and their patios evoke something of a lair, perfect backdrop of the bald villain. It’s underground, but it’s also a place where a speedboat could drop off would-be assassins, and remote enough to allow for activities of questionable legality, and has those incredible views to take in while scheming. Note that for Bezos, but not for you, the entire shebang will be tax deductible.
The Green O (Montana)
I’d like to be stuck in there during a snowstorm with my answers to the question: Name 10 people, dead or alive, you’d like to have a drink with. (It’s a demand, but also a common interview “question.”) Together, we would debate the proper pronunciation of hygge as we bask in it. My only tiny peccadillo with the place is those two-tops around the fire. The seating should be fluffier and no one should have to sit facing away from the flames.
I don’t have access to photos of this, but at least two of the cabins have outdoor hot tubs situated in front of fireplaces. I thought you should know, for your next hygge discussion, and specifically, how much of it a human can tolerate in a single moment.
The Hudson Whaler (Hudson, New York)
This is where your finance friend who believes everyone has at least one novel in him comes to see if he can prove that this theory applies to him especially. He is not deterred even after he instead spends the evening in front of that old-world fireplace in the lobby hosting an impromptu whiskey tasting with the two much cooler girls who came to Hudson to “get away from Brooklyn pretentiousness for a weekend.”
To my mind, the nautical theme works best when executed with subtlety in the downstairs public areas.
The Dilly (London)
The press materials say that this hotel welcomes families, dogs, and by the looks of one image, ballroom dancers, I’m sure this is where the lower-upper-management Wall Streeter shows up straight from Heathrow to conduct the lunch meeting that will move the deal forward, but not yet close it. The place is stately without taking any risks, which is very Global Finance, in all honesty. After the Wall Streeter finished business, he or she heads to the spa, followed by one night on the town with an old friend from Wharton, then catches the noon flights back to New York the next day.
KAI Beppu (Japan)
A moderately successful actress with a big Instagram presence will come to this newly built hotel in Beppu, a hot springs town on the Japanese island of Kyushu, to shed the excesses of the entertainment business for a couple of weeks. She was probably on Glow or Orange is the New Black. I can’t picture her as more than a composite, but I see her Insta feed perfectly. She will post from here about finding the beauty in simplicity, about serenity, maybe about rebirth of some kind. She will talk about negativity, but only in the past tense.
The hotel’s exterior looks like any hotel on the edge of any mid-sized city, so our actress will post only from the more intriguing indoor spaces. This is a contemporary “ryokan,” or traditional Japanese hotel built around public bathing areas. I’m smitten with the windows in the room, built to frame the view like a painting. The minimalism is indeed soothing to look at, and probably to float around in, as well. Although, those rooms better have good storage for luggage and its contents, or the whole effect will be ruined within minutes of arrival.
The Grady Hotel (Louisville)
Someone who is not yet famous, but will be by next April, will stay here for the Kentucky Derby when she can’t get a room at the Brown because she didn’t get famous in time. This is not a knock on the hotel, which with its 51 wood-floored rooms in a historic downtown building, seems like it oozes pleasantness in pretty agreeable doses.
The Rooster (Antiparos, Greece)
Although the press materials present this resort and its 17 freestanding (I think?) houses as an ode to “slow living,” I’m getting some fast-living rock-and-roll vibes from it. Like, the band came here to recover from the tour vibes. Like, Kate Moss during her Pete Doherty phase vibes. It’s all incredibly soothing. But also incredibly cool. Just know that I’m not sure the room rate includes the sepia tones provided in these photos. But what a thing if it did.
Callicoon Hills (Catskills)
We haven’t seen a wedding yet at any of these new hotels, so I’ll close it out with one. Specifically, that of your low-key wealthy friends, the ones with a whole Brooklyn brownstone that they’ve decorated mostly with thrift shop finds. The reception dinner will be buffet, but the liquor will be top shelf. There will be a live band, and by its third song everyone will be barefoot. Every guest will make vague plans to return to this property again maybe next summer, under more casual circumstances.
